Back in my primary school days, I’ve never had difficulty mingling around with the other girls. We used the terms ‘awak-kita’ (the very polite term for you-I) and it was basically talks about girly stuff i.e. books and ear studs, strictly no talks on boys yet, that formed the crux of our conversations. That was how 7-year old Malay girls would have typically interacted with one another.
On the other hand, I was a little bit hesitant to interact with the boys in class. It wasn’t because I was shy (too naive for such things) but rather, I disliked how rough boys can get when they talk. And that left me to ignore them.
In primary four, unfortunately, I was made to sit in class with the second-naughtiest boy in class. Not only was he disruptive in class, he liked to call people names too! And because of that, I always scolded him to shut him up. It was not surprising that I started to use rough words ever since: ‘kau-aku’ (more harsh terms for you-I in Malay) and words like ‘bodoh’ (stupid) and ‘gila’ (crazy) when talking to him. And that turned me into a tomboy throughout the rest of my primary school years. It was as though I became a boy when I talked to boys and ‘remained’ girlish when talking to girls. How fascinating. Those were the identity-crisis years. I still hated boys then though. =)
Moving on to secondary school, I was in the National Police Cadet Corps. Although I wasn’t as tomboyish as before (maybe wearing a skirt makes me more girlish), it was just second nature for crude words and vulgarities to be hurled at the trainees during training or camp. Not surprisingly, these came mostly from the male instructors. =). And that was the period when I used vulgarities (I’ve stopped immediately after I graduated from secondary school) even outside training. Funnily, when talking to boys, I rarely used vulgarities (in an attempt to maintain that feminine outlook) but I used it rather frequently with my girl friends. But I know my guy friends use vulgarities more than girls do and they do so openly.
Now that I am much, much, much more mature, the way I interact is totally different: no more harsh words and very polite use of the language (be it in English or in Malay) towards both male and female friends and family members.
Now that I’m much more mature, I believe I’m able to assess conversations better. After analysing a few conversations I’ve heard between the different genders, these are what I’ve gathered:
Male-male:
- Greater frequency in the use of harsh words, vulgarities at times
- More fluent, very loud
- Very rational and objective-driven conversations
- More open about their private lives
- Traditionally gossip-mongers are women; now a fair share of men doing so too
Female-female:
- More listener’s response used than males
- Greater frequency of interruption
- Often indirect i.e. beats around the bush before arriving to the objective of the statement
- May include use of harsh words in some instances, but often very polite
- Women talks very fast (sometimes appear as though they’re mumbling)
- Women stereotyped as the naggy one
Mixed gender interaction:
- Male sounds more ‘commanding’ and demanding- typical in Muslim families because men are inherently the leaders of the family
- Women more submissive and more feminine than when talking to another female – often giving way to men when talking
- More beginning to ‘indulge’ in the use of harsh and vulgar words in this interaction group – both men and women
But with everything becoming more and more egalitarian, it is not surprising if there are no specific observable traits that can be used to characterise each type of interactions. Ah well, so much for having women’s rights. Aye! =)
Gender interaction is not a phenomenon. It does not occur only during that brief moment in time when one interacts with someone from the same or different gender. It is actually these encounters that ultimately shape one’s entire personality and behaviour. And most of the time, how we interact is largely influenced by the people around us and
Throughout the years, I’ve finally realised how interaction between the different genders change as one ages.
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